Once upon a time, a long, long, long, looooong time ago, I didn’t eat sugar.

I also didn’t eat much white flour. And my little girls didn’t eat sugar either.

When my daughters grew old enough to attend birthday parties where cake and ice cream were served, I decided that they had to be allowed to occasionally eat cake and ice cream at birthday parties if they were going to speak to me have a normal life when they grew up. But we didn’t buy candy or other kinds of sweets, and when we did partake, it was a very rare event.

Then I moved to Minnesota in 1981 when I married Michael. Minnesota is the Land of White. Snow and long white winters, white noodles in the ubiquitous Minnesota hotdishes with thick white sauces, white skin on all the Scandinavians (my pale skin fits in well!), white mashed potatoes, white milk and cheese from Wisconsin right next door (The Dairy Capital of the World), white, flaky butterhorn rolls, white Cool Whip in white rice pudding. White, white, everywhere.

And so we started doing as the natives did, which was eating all those white things. Well, except for Cool Whip. I still wouldn’t eat Cool Whip if you tied me up with a white rope and beat me with a white stick.

Slowly over the years, the pounds crept onto my 5′ 10″ frame. Since childbirth I’d always seesawed back and forth — losing and regaining fifteen-twenty pounds, but after moving to Minnesota the fifteen became thirty and then fifty and then….bleh. You get the picture. Minnesota is a beautiful place to live, but it can be so mean!

And I’ve read all the books about how sugar is white death and contributes to heart disease and inflammation all over the body, but when you’re young and energetic, you can be foolish and try to ignore things like that because they haven’t caught up with you yet. Until you reach your fifties and your knees scream at you and your energy flags and your extra poundage feels like a sack of boulders you’re carrying around that can never, ever be laid down.

Not everyone has a problem with sugar, I know. But I have long known that I do. It’s like a drug — I don’t need very much, but I want just a little bit three or four times a day. And of course there have been days when fourteen Miniature Reese’s seem like the more reasonable choice than two. Insanity.

So I’ve decided to give up sugar, starting today.

Here’s a little autobiographical story by Portia Nelson (she was a nun in The Sound of Music) that I read on a popular blog recently, and it reached down through my throat and grabbed me violently by the pancreas:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

I know that this is going to be impossible for me unless God gives me strength. I know He’s willing, but I know that for decades now I have been unwilling. Today I’m willing.

I even think sugar has become a sort of idol for me, as awful and possibly ridiculous as that sounds. In Community Bible Study this year, our class is studying The Divided Kingdom, which covers many books of the Bible. Every week we study how Israel and Judah would not lay down their idols and turn to the Lord, no matter how much things were falling apart for them. We of the 21st century can sit on our high horses about this because WHO would be brainless enough to bow down before an image carved from wood or stone, or actually BELIEVE that a forged golden calf could do even one thing for them? Well, I have no idols made of stone or wood or gold in my house, but I’m learning that an idol is what I turn to, again and again. For comfort, for help, for something to do; it’s something I focus on. And I think that foods with sugar have been something I’ve turned to over and over again. I love sugar and I hate sugar.

I know it’s futile to say “I will never ingest a granule of sugar again so long as I live.”  There may come a day when I feel I can have a treat at a family gathering. I don’t know. And I have no idea if I will succeed. So I ask for your prayers. If you think I’m being silly, pray for me. If you see how serious this could be, please pray for me. If you think I’ve gone overboard, pray for me.

For years I have lived and worked and played on Sweet Street.

Today, I absolutely must walk down another street.

Not long ago, my dear sister-in-law Christy and I were blessed to visit Pacem in Terris (Latin for Peace on Earth), a silent retreat center in St. Francis, MN.

I’ve been there before, but never in winter. Here is the prayer hermitage I stayed in for two days and nights:

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.

Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Psalm 51:1-7

The longer I live, the more the kindness, patience and mercy of God bless and astound me!

Thankfully,

Thank you for your comments about the books you’ve been reading. This month’s winner of the book A Sack Half Full is Patty!  I’ll email you for your address, Patty, and you’ll have to let us know what you think of the book.

Also, as I continue my campaign to donate one thing per day in the year 2012, here’s what’s going away this week:

A bag full of dozens of old photos, mostly of places and people I don’t know. How did I get so many pictures of places and people I don’t know? Well, some of them were from years-old rolls of film from daughters’ trips: forty-two views of the ocean, seventeen shots of office buildings in downtown Managua, blurry pictures of ducks paddling one hundred twenty-nine yards away, that sort of thing.

So I’m saying goodbye to birds I’ll never know, sights I’ll never see, and double prints of large tropical leaves and primitive roads that will never make it into a scrapbook.

I kept all the important photos of loved ones, in case anyone was wondering.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.   Hebrews 12:1

It’s a lot easier to throw off extra household items that hinder and entangle me, than the sin that hinders and entangles me, but I’m trying. With God’s help, I’m working on this every day. Not by my strength, but by His…

I’m thankful that God is so merciful with me! His patience with my failures is so heartening and humbling. I would have given up on me years ago….but not my Father.

In praise and hope today,

Early this week it snowed again for almost two days straight, and our area was blanketed in over a foot of new snow. The flakes were huge and there was no wind to speak of, so at times it looked like a huge goose feather pillow had been torn open in heaven and the contents just gently dropped over our region.

We have had a run of illness in our household, and I’m praying today is better. Three people had regular lower intestinal, er, displays, and one had several upper intestinal presentations. Thankfully, I have not been sick. I try to be diligent about disinfecting doorknobs and light switches and banisters, and I wash my hands a lot at times like this.

Last night we went to Chris and Sharon’s to celebrate Lil’ Gleegirl’s fifth birthday. It’s hard to believe she’ll be in Kindergarten this fall. She is one of the most cheerful, smiling children I’ve ever known. What a delight she is to her Grandma!

Today will be my sister-in-law Christy’s last full day with us, so she and I will go out to lunch for our last quiet visit together before she flies back to Tennessee. I tell her that our rare times together are “my mental health visits,” and that’s only half in jest. I think it was in God’s plan when He thought up the idea of friendship that friends could make life “half as hard and twice as good,” as the Sara Groves song says so well.

I plan to make a big batch of Panzanella for dinner tonight. If you haven’t made this recipe before, may I suggest you try it? I have served it to guests countless times and no one has ever not requested the recipe.

And as promised, I’d like to give away a book on the blog early next week. My friend Denel’s husband wrote a book, and it has already gone into its second printing because the first run sold out. The book is called A Sack Half Full by Jerry Duprez, and is a heart-wrenching and funny account of Jerry’s difficult journey through testicular cancer. I can’t recommend it enough. You might think that you don’t need to read a book about testicular cancer, but may I respectfully suggest that you do? There’s so much more to this story than the medical stuff — this book is about how God made Himself known to their family through tragedy, and showed Himself faithful to each one of them.

I laughed out loud while reading the book, and of course I cried, since I love this family so much. I want you to have a copy, so to enter for a chance to receive one, just leave a comment below answering this question: “What is the last book you can remember reading?”

You never know why you might need this book. Not everyone will experience testicular cancer or even be acquainted with someone who has it, but almost everyone will go through a difficult time in their life when they wonder why God seems to have forgotten or abandoned them. This book is funny, hopeful, humble and honest.

Comments will be taken until Monday morning, March 12th, and the winner will be drawn randomly at that time.

Thank you for stopping by, and may God bless you today…

I’m thinking about friendship today, and how tremendously grateful I am for the friends God has given me. Some of you I’ve known since I was five years old. Some of you have walked with me through the wondrous/difficult marital and mothering years. Some of you I’ve never even met, yet still hold so close in my heart as true treasures. I thank God for each of you today, with tears….

“Friendship is the only thing that will show up at our funerals…..”

Ann Voskamp

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When my sister-in-law Christy saw my last blog post about the creepy, squeaky little bats on the roof of our vacation cabin, she said in the softest, most compassionate voice, “Oooh, I love bats!” And when she saw the dumbfounded look on my face, she pulled up a chair next to me at the computer and led me to a YouTube video about a bat.

This little baby bat was abandoned by his mother, then rescued and named Lil’ Drac (shudder), and as I watched the video with Christy, I was entranced.

You just have to see this:

And part 2:

I would have bet a lot of money that I would never get tears in my eyes over the plight of a bat. I would have lost that bet.

So, are those of you who weren’t fond of bats of a different opinion now? Or are you scoffing at this nutty bat propaganda?

I already knew how bats have an important job to do in the world, I just didn’t want to know very much about it, or have them squeaking within 100 yards of my dwelling.

Now my heart has cracked open a little bit toward bats.

I sometimes like to have deep conversations with friends about what God is doing in our lives.

Julie: So, friend, what is God doing in your life lately?

Friend: He is definitely helping me with my patience with my children, and increasing my desire to spend more time in prayer.

Julie: What a blessing!

Friend: So, Julie, what is God doing in your life lately?

Julie: He’s softening my heart toward bats.

Friend:

Julie: Hey, don’t leave so quickly…where are you going????

And on an unrelated matter, here are the week’s seven things that have been donated as I give away 365 things during the year 2012:

Six excellent books and a soft throw/lap blanket.

Back to Lil’ Drac — what did you think after watching the videos?

Sometimes in the middle of winter, when the snow is deep and the temperatures are low, you think of summer.

When you’re sitting in your office and looking out at the breathtakingly beautiful landscape with a foot of new-fallen snow, you’re thankful for the awesome views, but you’re thinking back to the warmth of August and a few days spent in a cabin resort deep in the north woods of Minnesota.

And while you’re sitting in your plaid flannel nightgown looking out at the drifts, you remember what it was like to feel the warm summer breezes of August and to swim twice a day in the resort pool, splashing around like a child again.

And you sigh as you recall how sweet it was to sleep in past 5:30 each morning, and how perfectly fine it was to lay down for a rest (or a snore, depending on who you are) in the middle of the afternoon if that’s what you wanted to do.

And while you’re watching snowflakes the size of feathers drift down from the grey sky, sometimes your mind goes back to last summer, and the anticipation you felt for being together as a family and hearing laughter around a shared meal, and the squeals of happy grandbabies on the swings and in the pool. And you remember how much being near the water calms and renews your spirit, and how delightfully amazed you were to see actual pelicans on Pelican Lake.

And as you pull on boots and wrap a scarf and find the snow shovel, you have a pleasant summer flashback of driving into the resort and seeing your cabin for the first time, and tossing up silent-but-loud thank-yous to God as you carried in your food and your suitcases and your hope.

And sometimes during the long Minnesota winter, when the sounds you hear are the quiet roar of the furnace, the crunch of steps taken in snow, and the scraping of the giant blade of the plow clearing your street during the night, you think back to the sounds of summer at the resort in the deep north woods of Minnesota.

You think of the sounds of water lapping on the shore of the pristine lake, a stone’s throw from your cabin. You recall the crackle of a wood fire after dinner, with children’s giggles as they hold out marshmallows on sticks to be toasted. You remember the better-than-Prozac calming of the soft breeze that rustles the birch and poplar leaves in the million trees around you. The birdsong…the soft splish of a paddle dipping repeatedly as a canoe skims across the lake to a fairy lagoon.

And…

…you remember the eerie, high-pitched creaky squeaks of the bats that live on the porch roof right above your cabin’s front door.

Almost within arm’s reach.

The two dozen little bats that sit watchfully during the day amidst their own guano, following you with their shiny eyes as you come out of your cabin to go to the pool, the back deck, the lake. The bats who’re waiting for dark so they can wing out into the night with mouths open to gobble mosquitoes for hours. The bats with blond furry bodies and dark, jointed legs. The squeaking bats with little cat-like ears, and sharp little teeth that can be easily seen because they’re just a few feet away from your head. The bats with quick, furtive movements as they scurry deeper into the eaves when you stop to gape at them with a mixture of fascination and horror.

Yes, those kinds of bats.

Sometimes, in the middle of a north woods winter, with snow all around and no spring in sight, you think back to your last summer in the north woods. And you dreamily remember the lake, the pelicans, the canoes, the lily pads, the naps, the togetherness, the pool, the sunshine and the happiness. You recall the birds singing and the wolves howling and the breezes blowing, and all the summer sounds that seem designed by God to help keep you tranquil and serene.

And then…you remember the squeaks.

The blizzard predicted early in the week arrived early Wednesday morning, and it poured blowing snow from the sky for hour upon hour. Our local paper says that for a while it was snowing at the rate of one inch per hour. At our house we got just under a foot of snow, but because of the 55 mph wind gusts, we have places in the yard where the drifts are knee-high, and also a few patches only inches deep. Today it’s still grey out, and another inch of snow is predicted for this afternoon, but the worst is over.

Our Miniature German Schnauzers, Edith and Mildred, aren’t fans of the snow. When we let them out to go potty, they take one tentative step in the deep white cold and then turn back to scratch on the door, hoping I’ll let them in. But I’m mean. Instead I step outside with them, closing the door behind me, and say repeatedly, “Go potty! Go potty!” And they know it’s futile and they won’t get back into the house until they go. So they do.

Millie is generally more adventurous than Edith and eventually she leaped through the snow toward the creek back behind our shed, looking very rabbit-like as she went. (Click to enlarge photos.)

Here’s what our back deck looks like this morning:

Edith wouldn’t venture too far out in the yard, but instead stood on alert as she heard the snowplow in the street finally go by. I can read her Schnauzer mind, and she wanted me to think she wasn’t afraid of the deep snow but instead was bravely focused on protecting us and our property from the huge, bladed, roaring machine.

Below, you can see Mildred in the distance, also listening to the plow and posing for a bark. And there’s Edith’s little stubby tail. Our family has a song we sing about our dogs’ little stubby tails. I promise not to post a video of myself singing it.

I’m off to clean the kitchen, do some laundry, tackle the paperwork Alps and when I’m all done, have a cup of tea…..

I just received a note from the company who hosts my blog notifying me that they will be upgrading their servers on March 1, beginning at 8:00 p.m. EST, and the changeover will take up to 14 hours. That’s if there are no problems. So I don’t know if this blog will be up on March 2nd or not, but I just thought I’d put something up now in case nothing is accessible for a day or two.

Blessings,

1.  We finally got some measurable snow, and everyone I know is glad about it. It snowed all day yesterday. The weather folks say there’s a larger system moving toward our area, due to arrive on Wednesday, with the potential to dump “tremendous amounts” of snow, so I will keep my faithful readers posted about that.  🙂

2.  Today is a special day, provided my eighth grandchild cooperates. The ultrasound that Sharon will have today should reveal if a sixth granddaughter is due in July, or a third grandson. Any hunches?

3.  Clara turned 10 recently and for her birthday she got to choose three things she wanted to do with me. One of them was to go on the Timber Twister. It was about 20 degrees (minus 6 Celsius) so it wasn’t unbearable, but the wind was whipping and with the windchill factor it felt like it was way below zero. I hadn’t brought a hat so I used my scarf to keep my ears and face warm as we hurtled down the mountain. The first time down I just wrapped the scarf around my neck, but I had an ice-cream headache almost instantly. The second time down I tried to wrap my long scarf around my neck and around my ears and around my forehead, but the wind still made it shockingly cold. We had fun though! The cold kept most people away from the Timber Twister so it seemed like we were the only ones on the mountain — we whooped and hollered and made a good memory. You can click here to see a short video of a partial ride on the Timber Twister (in the winter), and of the same views Clara and I saw. Clara wanted the little photo keychain they offer as a memento, and we’ve chuckled over the picture because I think I look like a Muslim grandma when really I was an almost frozen grandma. I have one of my arms up too but it’s hard to see in the picture.

4.  Yesterday we had a family potluck here at our house. Sharon and Chris brought a tender beef pot roast with onions, carrots and fresh savory herbs, Jeremy and Carolyn brought a Caesar salad with her yummy homemade dressing and some rosemary rolls, I made my Stuffed Baked Potatoes, and we also had raspberry bars for dessert. Later the kids played outside in the snow after dinner and got soaked, so when they came back inside, their wet socks and jeans went into the dryer while the whole brood ran around in their underwear.  🙂

5.  I just finished a beautifully written book. It’s called Lying Awake by Mark Salzman and I didn’t want it to end. I love it when I find an author whose writing is so fantastic, and then I learn that he/she has other books to try. What are you reading these days? I’d love for you all to leave a comment with any recommendations.

6.  My sister-in-law Christy is coming to visit us in March, and I’m so looking forward to seeing her. She and I will be spending two days at Pacem in Terris. It will be the first time Christy has been there, and my fourth. I’ve never been in the winter, however, so I’m excited to experience my little hermitage with snow and silence all around.

7.  The older I get, the greater my desire to pray grows. Maybe this is the Lord pressing on my heart, or maybe it’s because I see how limited human influence can sometimes be, and how powerful prayer really is. Or maybe it’s both. Anyway, over the years I’ve tried many ways to make prayer a part of my daily life, and I have felt mostly a failure at it. Not that I don’t pray — I do. But I’ve desired to have an extended prayer time every single day, and while it’s not a challenge for me to read my Bible and find a feast there, sometimes prayer has been hard for me. So I started praying about prayer. And I realized that I think better when I write something out. I used to write out my prayers years ago, and am not sure why I laid that practice aside, but I’m going back to it now. Except now I have something new I’m very happy about. I started thinking about what kind of prayer journal I wanted, to suit my needs and the way I think, and I realized there probably wasn’t one out there exactly like the one I want. So I gradually designed my own and I love it. I’ll take pictures and share about it here soon. I’m finding that I’m so irresistibly drawn to spend time in prayer, which of course is just time spent talking to (and hopefully listening to) my Savior, and this is such a miracle to me. Thank you Lord.

8.  Yesterday Sara came a bit late to our potluck because she had a prior engagement — she was a princess for a day. A Fairy Princess Ball was held in our city to raise funds for families of children with cancer who come to our medical center for treatment. The little girls came with their mommies, all dressed up, and there were several fairy princesses helping. Sara was Cinderella. One sweet little girl with an adorable dimple (I can’t remember her name) asked Sara if they could have their picture taken together, and after they were done she asked Sara questions that sounded like she might have really believed Sara was Cinderella. 🙂

9.  Today we have a monthly Foster care provider meeting we must attend. We learn about the latest news with Foster care licensing changes, potential documentation requirements that affect how we keep track of the things the state requires of us, and upcoming events and activities that our Foster gals might enjoying being a part of. It’s wonderful to have a group of people to gather with who understand the varied blessings and challenges of Foster care. Michael always likes to go out to lunch at an Indian restaurant downtown after our monthly meetings. We eat lentils and garbanzos and eggplant in multi-colored curried sauces that are so mouth-watering, we try to sit in a corner each time we dine there, so our eye-rolling and moaning isn’t a spectacle. (Not really, but almost….)

10.  As part of my efforts to donate one thing each day during 2012, here are my seven things for this week. A clipboard, a large multi-outlet plug, a pair of fuzzy blue socks with non-slip rubber strips on the soles, a pile of unmatched-for-years socks, an ace bandage, some chandelier lightbulbs, and a teeny pair of dull scissors. Anyone out there doing the same? I know my friend Pen (who got me started on this project) has diligently kept up with her plan too. It’s quite nice to see kitchen cupboards, bedroom drawers and linen closet shelves slowly become emptier and more organized. And there isn’t one thing I’ve donated or tossed that I’ve missed or been sorry about. My daughter Carolyn mentioned that recently she was taking part in a “47-thing fling” and went around her house with a large plastic bag and was able to find 50 things to donate!

11.  The cold and snowy weather seems to call for a pot of soup, so I’m thinking about making that for dinner. I think I could live on soup, salad and crusty whole grain bread.

12.  In early March I’ll be giving away a new book on the blog, and I’ll bet it might take some of you by surprise. It was written and recently published by my dear friend Denel’s husband Jerry, and it’s called A Sack Half Full, a touching and hysterical account of his brave journey through testicular cancer. It’s a first here on the blog — I’ve never written the word, uh, testicle in any of my posts before and it feels like some kind of watershed moment, don’t you think?

13.  So what are some of your Monday matters? What do you have going on this week? What is the weather like where you are? What book have you been reading? What have you donated? What’s for dinner at your house?

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope your week is woven with hope, joy and peace.