We usually put up a pretty tall Christmas tree, but this year I wasn’t in the mood to do so much. So Sara put up our small tree and we love it. It sits on a desk to the left of our fireplace in the dining room, and can be seen from the living room, kitchen, and even from the street outside. We used only a third of our ornaments, but every possible space was covered. I told Sara, “We don’t decorate our trees, we festoon our trees!” There’s something about heavily trimming a tree that makes it look beautiful to me.

This year we didn’t put our usual tree topper on either. Sara hung a crown at the top that makes me think of this song that we sang in church years ago. And you might have to click to see the “believe” ornament there, along with the feathery cardinal in flight. Three themes that will forever be important to me: Jesus is the King of the universe and all things are in His control, and the appearance of every cardinal (live or not) helps me to believe in all His promises even if I have to wait for them.

You can click on these pictures to enlarge them if you like.

Over the years friends and family have given me many cardinal ornaments — how many can you count below? 🙂 There’s an older ornament roughly in the middle of the picture that is precious to me — when Sharon was a little girl she made it by taking the top of an orange juice can, pounding holes with nail and hammer to make an angel with outspread wings, and then she glued green eyelet around the edge.

We have carols playing every day. What have you been listening to? My favorite Christmas Carol, “O Holy Night” always makes me cry. The words below are where I usually lose it when we sing this carol.

On Christmas Eve our family will be coming over and we’ll have a meal together. Everyone brings something just like we did on Thanksgiving, so the labor is shared. We’ll have Beef Burgundy, Stuffed-baked Potatoes (recipe with photos here), roasted vegetables, panzanella, rolls and butter, and French silk pie for dessert. We’ll sing carols and maybe watch a Christmas movie too.

On Christmas morning everyone will return later in the morning after they’ve opened gifts with their families at home, and we’ll have a brunch that we’ll snack from probably all the live-long day.

I am always thinking, trying, praying about how to keep worshipful and focused at Christmastime…about how Jesus willingly and humbly left His place in heaven, came into this world as a helpless baby and then died on the cross, hated and misunderstood by most, to save people like me, who are hopeless without Him.

I pray that your Christmas is full of His peace and His joy….

Yesterday was a full one and I’m thankful for a day at home today. It snowed another inch or two, adding to the beauty, and nothing seems more right than to hole up at home with a fire in the hearth, carols in the air and a husband who still tries to belt out some tunes in spite of his Parkinson’s-related voice difficulties.

For the first thirty years of our marriage, Michael was always singing or whistling. Mostly he sang worship songs as he worked, in a fine deep voice that somehow carried cheerfulness and worship all on the same sound waves. “Ooooohhh magnify the Loooorrrd, for Heeeee is worthy to be praaaaaised!” or “The steadfast love of the Looooord never ceases, His mercy never comes to an eeeeennnnnnd!” were just two of the many in his happy repertoire.

These days, for whatever strange reason, he’s singing some new songs. His voice is barely above a whisper now, but if he exerts great effort he can “belt” out a line or two that can be heard across the room, and these are the songs we hear most often:

“What’s it all about, Alfie?”

“Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to work we go.” From the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

And from the movie My Fair Lady, “I could have danced all night.”

I miss the worship music, but it could be a lot worse, like if in his older years he started singing rap music. Or the twangiest country tunes. That would be hard to take.

So yesterday a lot of things were decided for Michael. At his neurology appointment they tweaked his meds, ordered an MRI to assess the pressures of his slightly too-large brain ventricles, ordered a workup with a urologist, scheduled a four hour neuro-psych test, and prescribed a wheelchair. He is still walking, but with quite a lot of difficulty and festinating (extremely rapid shuffling) most of the time, so even though it seems so sad to me, I think having the wheelchair here is the right thing.

On a lighter note, a person I follow on Instagram (if you’re on Instagram you can follow me at JulieBalm) who owns two Schnauzers recently posted a picture of the bottom of one of her dog’s paws. She said they smelled like Fritos. Then another person commented that yes, her Schnauzer’s paws smell like popcorn. Apparently this is a Schnauzer thing. So of course I had to scoop up Edith and Millie to sniff the bottom of their furry little feet, and guess what? Fritos! How is it that a dog can walk around outside in the grass and dirt and (for us) snow and cement, and their paws smell like Eau de Fritos was sprayed on them?

If you have a dog, have you ever smelled the bottom of their feet? I’d love to know if you have, and if so, what their feet smell like? Maybe you’d like to go take a sniff right now so you can come back to leave a comment so we can start gathering some serious data on this phenomenon.

Here’s a picture of Millie, and the pathetic look she gave me after I smelled her paws. Look at the way she’s milking the situation, lifting her little foot to rouse all the sympathy she possibly can. She put her ears down and looked at me as if to say, “Mom. I don’t like it when you do dat.”

This is the same dog who had the audacity to tinkle on our bed this morning. We’ve always suspected that behind all her quirkiness lurks a dog bent on revenge.

“You sniff my paws? I wet your bed.”

That’s all there is to it.

Send help. 🙂

“I am more sinful and flawed than I ever dared believe, more loved and welcomed than I ever dared hope.”

Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

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This quote went deep this morning when I read it. I think my awareness of the first phrase in the quote is getting clearer these days. And that is necessary.

I think my awareness of the second phrase is growing too, but it’s still a bit fuzzy.

Seventeen below zero in our little part of the world today.

Since you stopped by here, could you please pray for us today? Thank you so much!

Sometimes there are places in Scripture I keep returning to, passages that seem like I’m supposed to camp in for a long time until the truths get deep down in my innermost being. Psalm 40 is one of these passages.

Hello my friends. You know, I really do consider my faithful blog readers friends. Who but a friend would take time out of their busy life to read a few words and see some pictures on a little rambling blog? I’ve known some of you for decades from my SoCal days (hi Denel! hi Tauni! hi Shari! hi Su!), know some of you from my many years in Minnesota (hi Carey! hi Linda! hi Sue! hi Diane! hi Ginny!), know a few of you because we’ve gone to the same church or are in a group together (hi Gail! hi Lorna! hi Pat! hi Kay J! hi Jodi! hi Kristi!) and I’ve “met” some of you through the internet even though we’ve never been together face to face (hi Kay S! hi Jeannie! hi Ember! hi Helen! hi Roberta! hi Connie! hi Linda!), and some of you are truly family (hi Sharon! hi Carolyn! hi Sara! hi Christy! hi Savannah! hi Dorothy! hi Debbie! hi Lauren!). If I haven’t mentioned your name it’s not because I didn’t care to, it’s because my 56 year-old memory has become sieve-like in the past few years and has officially lost its Steel Trap status.

We are in the midst of a three-day-long winter storm here in Northeastern Minnesota. We received over a foot of snow yesterday, are expecting at least another foot today, and the wind is blowing it all horizontally. You know you’re getting hit when The Weather Channel sends people to your city to stay for a few days so your weather can be featured on cable all over the world.

Edith and Mildred most definitely do not like this weather, and must be coerced out into the deep snow in the yard to go potty. Sometimes I have to go out on the front steps with them and say repeatedly, “Go potty! No, don’t come up these stairs Edith! Get out there and go!” And they understand me and finally give in and leap out into the drifts to squat. They might be outside less than one minute, but when they come back in their little schanuzie backs are wet with snow and they shake off vigorously and act so happy to be in the warm house again.

We’ve had Christmas carols playing ever since Thanksgiving, and this is what can be heard in our home today… click here and the music will open in a new window and you can listen as you read, if you like. I love the whole album.

I wish I could have taken a picture to show how densely the snow is falling. Instead I took this one of our large outdoor ornaments being blown about in one of the flower boxes on our front deck. As always, you can click these to enlarge them if you like.

This photo below was taken from our living room, looking out toward three little crab apple trees in the side yard. Minutes later about a hundred cedar waxwings flew to the trees and gobbled up many of the cherry-sized apples while the snow and wind whipped the branches they were clinging to.

Sara always puts a few live touches to things around the house, and here are some little pines she put in containers for our dining room mantel.

I love this big mug below — Carolyn made that for me when she was in high school.

And oh, when the weather outside is frightful, our fire is so delightful! We light it turn it on every day and I can’t even convey how grateful I am to have a cheery blaze for all our meals. And our in between meal times too.

I decided to string together another simple banner for our living room, and even though it’s not Christmas-themed, the blue jays make me smile and it brings me pleasure to look at it. Banners and garlands are in! If you want to make something simple with the children in your life, google the word banner and/or garland and check out some of the beautiful things people are making. I saw one online last night made from red and silver cording and silver jingle bells! Gorgeous and easy.

This sweet little cardinal scented wax warmer sits on Michael’s dresser in our bedroom. It gives a bit of light, and the scent of the melted wax is “clean and slightly masculine” according to Sara, who gave me the warmer. See the unique wreath behind it? That was a gift from my dear friend Su years ago, made from the pages of a hymnal.

We don’t have our big tree up yet, although a day like today would be perfect for tree trimming. We do have our little bedroom tree up, however. Mrs. Nisky came to spend the night a week ago and she and I worked on it together. Then later that night as she fell asleep on her pallet of blankets close to our bed, the red and white lights on the tree were the perfect night light.

This Friday my dear friend Sue and I will be going out to dinner and then later attending the symphony together. Someone gave me season tickets to the symphony this year and I’m quite excited about it. I took my granddaughter Clara to the November performance, Sue and I will enjoy the Christmas one, and then in January I’ll take Mr. McBoy, who listens to classical music all the time and will love it too.

Things in our home are quickly changing, and I don’t like it one bit. I figure it’s okay to say that since the Lord knows how I feel anyway. I’m praying constantly for help and strength and humility and compassion and grace, so that I’ll be a gentle, gracious caregiver to Michael. We’ve had so many visits from several professionals in the past weeks; a great older man who’s a Physical Therapist, an insightful and patient woman who’s an Occupational Therapist, an efficient and understanding young woman who’s the nurse who will visit twice a month. Eventually a home health aide will come twice a week and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around that, seeing as she’ll be coming to help Michael shower and do exercises, but he has stated more than once that he likes it when his wife does that for him. And I totally understand. I wouldn’t want some stranger coming in to help me shower! So why would he? What to do, what to do…I pray the Lord will smooth this approaching pathway before us and make things straight and clear.

Are you someone who appreciates a little comic relief? I certainly am. Just today I was talking on the phone to my friend Su and we were discussing how important and sometimes difficult it is to always speak words to others that build, help or encourage. I told her how I used to have a printed sign on the kitchen windowsill of our other house, something I got from Ann Voskamp’s blog years ago that said in beautiful lettering, “Only Speak Words That Make Souls Stronger,” and how that is my heart’s desire. And I told her how I have occasional failures with this and how sad and disheartening it is to me. And then our serious conversation took a comic turn when Su said, “I’ll bet there are words you’re saying to Michael that years ago you never dreamed you’d be saying” and I replied without missing a beat, “Yes, like ‘don’t put your cane in the toilet!'” and we cracked up. She knew I meant absolutely no disrespect to Michael and I knew she would understand because she knows and loves him. But she was absolutely right. In 1981 when I married my strong, handsome and hardworking husband and said the words “I do,” I could never have imagined that 30 years later the words I’d be frequently saying to him would be, “Big steps!” and “Don’t put your cane in the toilet.”

Yesterday my son-in-law Jeremy reminded me that even though so much of Michael’s mental and physical abilities are diminishing, the spiritual wisdom, humility and grace he exhibits are decades ahead of other people his age. I was grateful for those words and knew deep in my heart they were truth. I know I would not be bearing the ravages of Parkinson’s with the same patience as Michael does.

We are taking things a day at a time here, sometimes an hour at a time actually. Isn’t that what we’re given anyway? Just the moments that make up the days that comprise the years of our lives? None of us knows what tomorrow will bring, but I do think I can say I know one thing tomorrow will bring — it will bring the faithfulness of God. No matter what happens to any of us, God will be faithful to us.

Psalm 36:5-9 says,

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
    your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
    your justice like the great deep.
You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
    People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
    you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
    in your light we see light.

How wonderful this passage of Scripture is to me. His love and faithfulness to us reach to the heavens! How many billions and trillions of miles high is that? He is preserving us, and our animals! Edith and Mildred are being preserved by God! We can take refuge in the shadow of His wings, and in the deepest darkness we can see light because He is the Light of the World.

I think I need to meditate on this Psalm today, how about you?

It’s time for me to go make a little lunch for Michael now. The snow continues to fall and the forecast says it will pile up through the night. Then by this Saturday the deep freeze will sweep in and blast us with temperatures that fall to 20 below zero (minus 28 Celsius). I never mind the snow we see in Minnesota, but the older I get the more difficulty I have with the bitter below-zero temps. I guess I should just revel in our 25 degrees above zero winter wonderland today and deal with the plummeting temps when they finally do plummet.

Are there any of you who visit this little blog now and then and have never introduced yourself? I would so love to “meet” you. If you can bring yourself to leave a comment today, I would be blessed to read it and know you are there.

I give a wave to you all, and say a prayer to our Heavenly Father, asking Him to bless, keep, help, and cheer you as you walk out the path in front of you today…

Yesterday I took a couple of hours and updated our dining room chalkboard wall. If you’ve never seen the first drawing I did, you can click here to take a peek.

I wanted to draw something that would be appropriate for Thanksgiving, and later next month if I can get it together I plan on doing a drawing with a Christmas theme. I searched around the web for a few minutes and found what I wanted to do on this blog.

I’m fairly satisfied with how it turned out:

I’m preaching to myself with this message, you know?

And we also have a beautiful centerpiece on the table, ready for our Thanksgiving meal tomorrow. I love the feathers Sara put in this year’s creation! All photos can be enlarged by clicking on them. Can you find the turnip in the arrangement? 🙂

We will have fifteen people here, and we’ll enjoy all the traditional fixings — turkey and stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry sauce, roasted asparagus, rolls, pies and more. My favorite part of the day is always when we go around the table to say what we’re thankful for. The only one who won’t be able to share tomorrow is the newest member of our family, little Louisa, who is 16 months old. When it’s her turn she’ll probably say, “Uh? Uh?” and we’ll all get a kick out of that. But all of us are thankful to the very bottom of our hearts for her, and I know she’ll be mentioned.

I hope no matter what you’re going through, you’ll be able to give thanks tomorrow.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  James 1:17

What are your Thanksgiving plans?

With much love and prayers for you, my friends and family…

That’s not really true, what I really want for Christmas only God can give. But I saw this dining room in the Ballard Designs catalog that comes to our home, and I stopped when I turned to this page and said, “Wow.”

Now I have everything I need and have long been in a place in my life where I’m not in the gathering mood, but in the giving mood. I’m careful about what comes into our home because I value open spaces and organization. I appreciate having no clutter, and most things I like I don’t buy because I don’t need more than I already have.

But if you’ve read my blog for very long you know I love any kind of Scottish plaid. And you know I love toile. Just take a look at the design of my blog and you’ll see the toile. As a matter of fact, just type in the word “toile” in the search field at the left side of my blog and you’ll see a few blog posts with photos of all the ways in which I have loved toile over the years.

And I like black, and I like red, and I like blues and greens. And we have a fireplace in our dining room, so this look would be something we could easily do.

A little green paint on the walls, a little online order for a new black trestle table and some toile and plaid dining room chairs and, voila! this would be our look.

But I’m not going to do it. I only just dreamed about it a little bit. I’m not willing to spend the money on the (I think) pricey chairs and table, because what we have suits us just fine.

Even though I suppose it’s not healthy, I’ve been daydreaming a bit lately. Wondering what it would be like to have this dining room, picturing what a little cottage in the Scottish Highlands would be like, trying to remember what life was like when my husband was strong and healthy and we could have a normal conversation. When we could kneel together and pray for those we loved. And I’ve been trying to recall if I’ve ever been someone easy to live with, and I’m not sure I want to ponder that answer. I sound like a broken record when I say this, but how thankful I am that the Lord promises new mercies for His children every single morning.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving week, my friends!

I know this has been around for a while, but I enjoyed it again yesterday and thought I would share. It brought a smile, and then tears.

What do you think?

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen; not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

C. S. Lewis

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Our sunrises and sunsets have been so beautiful lately! The other evening Sharon called and said, “Go look at the sunset!” and I went outside to the west side of our house to see the salmon and periwinkle glow all across the horizon, with purple streaks of clouds that made me draw a breath at its gorgeousness.

Yesterday morning when I silenced the early alarm and sat up to put on my slippers, I noticed the glow in our bedroom. Everything looked magenta. I went to get the camera so you could see it too. Keep in mind that the curtains you see on the windows below are off-white, and that will give you an idea of how deeply colored the light from the brilliant sunrise was.

I got up close to the window (you can see the screen if you click on the photo) and took this shot of the sunrise over Lake Superior, which I think is astonishingly beautiful.

Normally I would be watching Louisa today, but I woke up sick this morning. I have a sore throat, dry cough, and just feel a bit tired. So Louisa will not be coming over to sweetly run through the house pointing at seventy-four things and asking in her 16 month-old way, “Uh? Uh?” She actually makes two smooth syllables out of each uh with the last syllable being upturned like a question, and it’s adorable. Never has a child been so expressive with one sound!  🙂

I am hoping to lay low, to read perhaps, and if I feel good enough I’ll fold the clean laundry. I always fold laundry sitting on our big king-sized bed, while listening to some soft music, and I’m still on my Audrey Assad kick.

Our younger Schnauzer Mildred exasperated me last night. I was on the phone with my friend Denel, and right as I watched, Millie came strolling in to our bedroom, squatted nonchalantly six feet in front of me and peed on the carpet. And I had just let her outside. I cleaned it up right away but noticed that the spot didn’t show at all and didn’t smell either, which I suppose would be something to be thankful for, except that it sent my mind going about how many other times she might have peed on the carpet and because it doesn’t show and doesn’t smell, I haven’t known about it!? Ugh.

Also, we recently had our home care assessment/intake meeting with a registered nurse who works for a local agency. We learned what is available to us, and it looks like twice a week a home care attendant will come in to help Michael shower. I’m grateful for that, and am hoping the person assigned to him is a patient and kind man. They nurse interviewing us said we could also have light housekeeping done, a meal prepared for Michael, laundry done, and that they could also play cards with him. I don’t need the housekeeping part or the laundry, and Michael is no longer able to understand well enough to play cards, but the help with showering will be a blessing. I hope he responds well to it. When the nurse asked Michael (in a too loud voice — I know people do that when they know someone is impaired, although Michael’s hearing is excellent) “Would you like to have help with showering?” and Michael answered, “I like it when my wife helps me.” So we’ll see….

In addition, an Occupational Therapist will come sometime soon to assess Michael’s walking, and hopefully work with him on learning to use the walker. He has struggled with this because he can’t remember to keep the walker close to his body, which is important for maintaining balance.

Lastly, this morning our son-in-law Jeremy called to say that the group of men Michael used to deer hunt with contacted him to say they had an extra deer, and did Michael and Jeremy want to split it? Jeremy came to pick up Michael this morning, and they used the truck to go pick up the deer. Jeremy will butcher it soon and there will be some venison chops and roasts in our freezers, for our profound and long-lasting enjoyment this winter. If you’re good at detecting sarcasm, you caught that one. 🙂 Sara just came into the office where I’m typing and said with some alarm, “Mom, there’s a dead deer in the garage.” So I had to explain to her how it came to be, and remind her that Dad has lived a Minnesota deer hunting life for over fifty years now.  Although yesterday when Michael and I were driving, a huge 20-point buck with a thick neck and a majestic bearing crossed the road in front of us and we slowed down to admire him. Michael said, “I don’t ever want to kill another deer” and I understood what he meant. But if a former hunting friend offers one to you, the Minnesota Polite thing to do is to accept it, butcher it, store it in your freezer, and enjoy the clean, organic, grass-fed meat for the next ten years several months on your own table.

I think this is enough trivia for this morning. I am going to clean the kitchen now before I try to take a morning nap. Have a blessed Friday, my friends, and don’t forget to show someone in your life how much you care. Probably the ones who need it the most are the ones we see day after day and whose presence we might be taking for granted.

Looking up with you,

Last Saturday one of our grandchildren, Mr. McBoy, spent the night with us. He’s always such good company and I enjoy having him here. He’s eleven years old now and in the sixth grade, but he’s so tall and composed I think people could easily mistake him for a teen. Not that I know many teens who are composed, but you get my meaning — he seems older than he is.

We did what we usually do. We played Farkle, a couple of hands of Gin, we read some good books aloud, talked a lot, and gave each other hand massages. Then we did something we don’t usually do — we went to visit my friend Pat’s beautiful black horse Doc. Pat brought Doc out of his corral so we could pet him, feed him a bit, brush him, and watch as she cleaned his feet. Mr. McBoy loved it. He was able to feed Doc a handful of green grass and that simple act made him so happy. I think visiting Pat and Doc might have been the highlight of Mr. McBoy’s visit. When I drove him home on Sunday afternoon, we took turns recounting all the things we had done while he was with us. “We had sausage and eggs for breakfast.” “You whooped me at several games of Gin.” “You read Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle to me while I took a bath.” “You helped me do my first Christmas garland.” “I got to see Pat’s horse.” And so on. It sounds simple perhaps, but it feels lovely and right to me when each time I spend with a grandchild ends with such recounting of blessings and gifts.

As mentioned above, another thing we did while Mr. McBoy was here was work on some paper Christmas garlands to hang from our dining room mantel. He worked on the cardinal garland, and the next day when Carolyn came over I enlisted her help so I could finish the Merry Christmas garland.

I have two Thanksgiving garlands planned too. I’m not sure why I jumped the gun and completed the Christmas ones first, but things are sometimes a little confusing around here, so I guess I’ve just joined that club. I usually don’t decorate for Christmas until at least the day after Thanksgiving. I’ll post pictures of the Thanksgiving garlands when I’m done with those.

Mr. McBoy punched holes in a deck of cardinal cards, and I strung them together with some rough twine. The upper garland took a little more time. Carolyn cut out the plaid paper squares and the smaller white squares for me, and I drew the letters with a green Sharpie and outlined them in black. The twisted metallic cording is red, green and gold, and there are a few little white glittery snowflakes too. You can click to enlarge the photos if you like.

I was able to go to Community Bible Study yesterday and was so grateful for that. Michael was walking well enough in the morning that I felt okay about leaving him for those two hours. I know things might not always be this way, but on the days when this is possible I will seize the opportunities. Today he and I will go out to lunch, and then later in the afternoon we have our first in-home assessment with a health care agency. I have no idea what to expect or what we’ll be eligible for, but I know this is the next step in our journey with Michael’s Parkinson’s.

I feel like my life is getting so small that I don’t have much to share that’s interesting for this little blog anymore, not that the things I’ve shared in the past were that interesting. I do know that in God’s economy nothing is wasted, and just because someone’s life becomes more reclusive and focused doesn’t necessarily mean that huge things aren’t happening. I do have that sense, that while things on the outside might look and sometimes seem confined, whatever is happening in the spiritual realm has great purpose and is very precious to God. That knowledge is beauty and grace enough for me.

Thank you for stopping by here today…I pray this very minute that God will bless and keep you all today,