Sometimes a girl just needs her mom.

February 23, 2012 | My Jottings

Today is the anniversary of my mother’s death. She left this earth and moved to heaven nineteen years ago.

I need my mom these days. I need her more than I ever thought I needed her when I was young and oh-so-smart and independent.  

I want her to know my grandbabies.

I want her to see Clara’s drawings and her trusting, tender heart. I want her to feel Mr. McBoy’s strong hugs and see how Sooterish he looks. I want her to see what a blend Elijah is of his parents, and how funny he is. I want her to see Mrs. Nisky’s beautiful coppery hair and eyes, and watch how intent she is when she does her art. I want her to see how unique and delightful Vivienne is, and hear her sing in that silvery little voice. I want her to see Li’l Gleegirl and marvel at her cheerfulness and smile, and how truly heartening her four year-old presence can be. I want her to see Audrey, and laugh at her antics and energy and contagious smile.

I need to talk to my mom about Michael. She loved my husband so much, and he loved her; it was quite the mutual admiration society. I want to cry on my mama’s shoulder a little bit about the death of a few dreams.

And oh, how I would like to see her reaction to how my daughters are doing these days! Could she ever have guessed that her own boundless creativity would skip a generation and flow so strongly through their veins?

I want to take my mom to Sharon’s yarn studio and watch as Sharon gives her a tour. I want her to feel and see the amazing yarn her granddaughter creates. I’d like to watch my knitter mom as she watches my knitter daughter. I want to sit in the front row of our local community theater with my mama, and watch Carolyn perform in a play. I want to see my mother get all teary when she hears her granddaughter sing and act, and I want to reminisce with her about how even as a little girl Carolyn was so entranced by musicals and old movies. I want to take my mom to the flower shop where Sara works and show her the incredible gift she has with floral design, how the owner of the shop calls Sara’s skills “white-hot” and hear my mom oooh and aaah over her granddaughter’s craft. I want to watch my mom observe Sara’s energy and organizational skills, which would be so dear to her heart.

I want to tell my mama about the traits I love in my daughters, how they’ve grown up, who they are inside. She would revel with me as I told her about the many things I love about their personalities.

I want my mom to meet my sons-in-law and see what kind of fathers they are, and how blessed we are to be able to know and love them. My mom would hug and kiss them both and comment about their heights, because if she had lived to see her granddaughters to adulthood, she would have worried about them marrying men taller than they are. That their husbands are taller would have pleased my quirky mom. It would have been something that caused her to exhale and say with much relief, “Thank you Jesus!”  🙂

Sometimes a girl doesn’t know how much she needs her mom. A girl can love her mom a lot, and still not know what a treasure her mother is. Sometimes a girl has to be a mom and a grandma herself, to fully realize the value of  her own good mother.

Nineteen years is a long time for a girl to be without her mama.


  1. Helen in Switzerland says:

    I’m sure she’s looking down on you from somewhere on high and seeing it all Julie. I kind of feel the same way about my dad – who died 22 years ago. Frankly he wasn’t a great dad as he ran off when I was 13 and mostly just caused me heartache after that – but I’d like him to see that my middle daughter has his artistic talents and that hey, I turned out just fine! No thanks to him, mind you!

  2. Just Julie says:

    I understand what you’re saying there, Helen. Thank you for sharing what you did. I think your dad would be pretty proud of you. Your mom surely must be today….

  3. Roberta says:

    I think as you shared all of your present family with your Mom she would probably say, “You have done well, Julie. I am so proud and happy with who you are, and what you have created around you.” I’m sure she is also lives in you, Julie. What she has given to you is evident, not only in what you have given to your family, but who you are–in yourself.

  4. Just Julie says:

    God bless you, dear Roberta….

  5. Ganeida says:


    I am finding with my own mum she has a need to share her stories more as she ages. I think this is good for my children. They learn where they have come from & why their grandmother has some of the quirks she does. I’ve already lost my dad so I’m hoping my mum will be round long enough to see her grand~daughters marry & some of the next generation. Mind you, my lot are in no hurry!

  6. Just Julie says:

    Thank you Ganeida. I think my adult daughters could say the same – that perhaps their children need to learn where some of their grandma’s (me) quirks come from. 🙂 It’s also good that yours are not rushing into anything. God bless your day….

  7. Larry says:

    The Lord and His word speaks of Blessings of Generation.

    Some have the blessings and some do not, it is our Walk and our seeking Him and obeying His word, is where we can obtain the generation to generation blessings.

    I see the blessing of Mom in her love of Him now being passed on to Generation to Generation.

    Psalms 78:6 so that the next generation would know them. Children yet to be born would learn them. They will grow up and tell their children
    Psalms 79:13 Then we, your people, the flock in your pasture, will give thanks to you forever. We will praise you throughout every generation.
    Psalms 89:1 A maskil by Ethan the Ezrahite. I will sing forever about the evidence of your mercy, O LORD. I will tell about your faithfulness to every generation.
    Psalms 89:4 ‘I will make your dynasty continue forever. I built your throne to last throughout every generation.'” Selah
    Psalms 102:18 This will be written down for a future generation so that a people yet to be created may praise the LORD:
    Psalms 119:90 Your faithfulness endures throughout every generation. You set the earth in place, and it continues to stand.
    Psalms 145:4 One generation will praise your deeds to the next. Each generation will talk about your mighty acts.

    Blessings My Sister, enjoy your generational blessings that you now see, hear, feel and know in your heart.

  8. Just Julie says:

    Thanks for sharing all those good Psalms, Lar. I am grateful for my flawed and blessed heritage. 🙂

  9. Ginny says:

    I ache with you,
    I weep with you….

  10. Just Julie says:

    There’s no one I’d rather have ache and weep with me, Gin. 🙂

  11. Patty says:

    I share your pain and your loss, though somewhat differently. My Mom was lost to Alzheimer’s long before she left this world to be with our Father. So I mourned her loss while she was still physically here, but mentally and emotionally unable to be with us in the present. I think what we miss isn’t the sharing of the stories, we still do that. What we miss is their response, their reaction to the joyful things that came, in no small part, from them. I would dearly love to have that validation; to see the smile that starts in her eyes when she was happy. Someday, someday…..

  12. Just Julie says:

    So beautifully said, Patty. Thank you so much for sharing here. I have a friend who went through losing her mom slowly to Alzheimer’s, and she told me, “I said goodbye to my mom long ago…” even though her mom was still physically present. Thank God for His hope….blessings on you and yours!

  13. Ember says:


  14. Just Julie says:

    Thank you so much, Ember.

  15. Sharon says:

    Nineteen years is too long, indeed.

  16. Just Julie says:

    It seems like nineteen long years and it seems like nineteen extremely short years too, doesn’t it?

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