Do not be fooled by this picture!

January 18, 2011 | My Jottings

Just because five year-old Mildred looks like a calm, sweet, snoozing Miniature German Schnauzer doesn’t mean she is one.

Don’t let the light from the window behind her that shines a rosy glow through her silky little ear mislead you.

Don’t be bamboozled by the way her left eyebrow forms a delicate, sweeping little fan above her sleepy brown eye.

Don’t be caught off guard by how clean she smells and how sleek her hair (Schnauzers don’t have fur) feels as you gently stroke it.

Don’t be fooled, I tell you!

Look closely. There’s a subtle clue here that speaks to Dreadful ‘Dred’s true nature.

Sshhhh. It’s the right hind leg. Lean in closer. See it? Jutting up there in the air, unsupported by anything else, while the rest of her body is completely at rest?

That leg is the dread dead giveaway. That rogue leg that asserts itself and won’t do what it’s supposed to do, is a sure sign to people everywhere to beware, beewwaaaarre of the person or the dog or the parrot or the bumblebee who seems to be sleeping, but whose leg is sticking up in the air.

What does a jutting leg portend? I’ll tell you.

It means that underneath all that adorable sweetness is a miscreant nature. Right below that soft and rosy ear? Greed. Not far behind that silvery fan of an eyebrow? Deep-seated insecurity that leads to pathetic behavior. Below the surface of that silky pelt is a heart that harbors a lurking, instigating, selfish temperament. Some of you may have heard or read of the four basic personality temperaments – Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholic and Phlegmatic.

Well, Mildred’s temperament is Schnauzeric (this is important: pronounced shnow-ZAIR-ick). And the main tipoff of a Schnauzeric temperament? A rogue leg. Yes.

So, remember that you read this Public Service Announcement here first. Be on the lookout. Be watchful and observant. If you should happen upon a dozing cat or hamster or child and she seems to be sound asleep except for one jutting, unsupported leg that is held up in the air…seek help immediately.