Tears, travel and thankfulness
June 21, 2014 | My Jottings
I had leftover Mexican food for breakfast, and it was a great way to start the day. I prepared traditional breakfast fare for everyone else, but imagining the cheese enchilada and bit of rice and beans I was going to enjoy after serving everyone else was the second thing I did this morning.
The first thing I did was shed a few self-pitying tears that dripped down my chubby cheeks, ran into my ears and ended up on the pillow. The tears were prompted by this song. And by life too, I guess. Go ahead and click — it will open in a separate window and you can listen as you read. You might ask me — Julie, if these classic songs you’ve been listening to make you cry, why listen to them? And I would answer, I love the songs, and it doesn’t matter how they make me feel. I just love them.
Yesterday Michael’s home health aide Paul arrived at 3:30 for his weekly two hour shift. We have a nice woman named Liz who comes on Monday mornings, and for those two hours I am able to hole myself up in my office to catch up on Foster paperwork, write out bills, answer letters, return phone calls and read a few of my favorite blogs. On Fridays when Paul comes for his two hours, I usually leave to grocery shop or run other errands. Paul helps Michael shower, dress, fixes him a snack and keeps him company, and Michael really likes him. They have some things in common (both are former Marines, rock hounds/agate pickers, and avid fishermen.) Yesterday I had a little shopping to do, and then impulsively I decided to have an early dinner by myself at our favorite Mexican restaurant. I ordered food to take home for dinner with me, and Michael was pretty happy about his #8 combination meal.
A couple days ago Michael awakened from an afternoon nap and I laid down next to him for a few minutes. He grinned at me and I was struck again at how much I love his smile. I asked him, “What would you like me to do for you?” He thought about that for a bit and then whisper-answered, “Take me to Italy.” I could tell he was serious. I felt he was wanting to go on a trip while it’s still physically possible, although in my opinion that’s iffy. There is no way I could take him unless we did some kind of accessible tour for older folks with wheelchairs. Everything would have to be planned for by other people, buses for wheelchairs would have to be the transports, and all hotels and tours would have to accommodate wheelchairs as well. I told him that a tour like that would probably be exhausting; he gets completely worn out if I have to take him in our car to the doctor. I honestly can’t picture a flight across the Atlantic, airport waits, bathroom hurdles, tour lines in Rome and Florence and Venice (do they even have wheelchair accessible gondolas?) without some kind of crisis.
I know I sound whiny, but I even doubt my own ability to take Michael on a tour like this, even if all those things were provided. I am worn out. I think I could go to my beloved Pacem in Terris if given the opportunity, and sleep for a week. But since Michael asked, I’m thinking and praying. It could be something wonderful and miraculous, or it could be just a really bad idea. If I were choosing the destination of our imaginary trip, most of you who visit here regularly know it would be the UK.
Last Tuesday was the first week of the annual summer Bible study I host in my home. We are studying 1 and 2 Thessalonians. There’s a beautiful heart-knitting that takes place each summer, and I’m always a little bit in awe over how the Lord does that. I think there’s a common theme running through many of the twelve women’s lives this year — fear and loss. All of us have been Christians for years and years, and there isn’t a spring chicken among us. But here we are again at the feet of Jesus, asking Him to show us how to truly trust Him, live in His peace, and experience joy in the midst of these painful circumstances we find ourselves in.
Michael has been napping in his recliner next to me as I’ve been typing, and he’s now awake and needs some assistance. Later I will put a roast in the crockpot for our dinner tonight. Rosemary roasted red potatoes, spring greens for a salad, and sliced, lean tenderloin are all on the menu. Soon I will tell you about the lavish meals that two friends have brought to our home recently. And the generous check we got in the mail so we could order dinner out instead of my having to cook. Such burden lifters! I have been humbled and overwhelmed by the generosity and love of the people God has put in our lives.
I hope your weekend is either peaceful or fun or productive….whatever you need it to be to be blessed. I ask God to touch and bless every person reading these words.
In His grip,